I’m not going to say this again…

Wine should be opened using a corkscrew.

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Opening a bottle of wine using the method below is Bad, and Wrong, and makes poor St Martin cry. And he’s got enough to cry about, what with his feast day being on Armistice Day and thus, somewhat over-shadowed.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngtiUKH_ygc[/youtube]

I was never a Girl Guide, but the Rosamother was. I am, perforce, blaming her entirely for the fact that my handbag contains, at all times, a rosary and a corkscrew in case of emergencies. If one doesn’t work, try the other. Last time my parents and I went out for a meal, the waitress couldn’t find her corkscrew, and the reactions went:

“I’ve got one,” reaching for handbag (me).

“I’ve got one,” reaching for handbag (mum).

“I’ve got one,” reaching in back pocket (dad).

And as for the method below? Just don’t. The opening of Champagne should be accomplished with the minimum of fuss, noise and bother, and no spillage whatsoever. As with so many things in life, it’s all in the wrist.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye28n_aJspA[/youtube]

A technique that involves broken glass potentially getting into your Champagne should be frowned upon and avoided at all costs.

[before anyone starts – supermarket wine that can be opened using a screw cap is generally not fit to be drunk, and plastic corks taint more wine than decent cork oak ever did.]

4 thoughts on “I’m not going to say this again…

  1. Love that second YouTube comment 😉

    And I agree. I do not like drinking sharp fragments, nor wasting expensive alcohol. Or even cheap alcohol, for that matter.

    And it’s murder on the carpet, too.

    A pretty lady with a corkscrew in her handbag seems a much better bet to me 😉

  2. I refuse to do anything that could spill a drop of the “Lord’s Nectar”. However I think I might try the first one on a cheap bottle of plonk.

  3. With all due respect, Stelvin screwcaps are now being used on some extremely good wines indeed. I agree that I’d always prefer a real cork; but given how difficult it is becoming to obtain good quality cork, I’m not going to blame the producers for whom the Stelvin is a realistic option – usually wines (mainly white & rosé) which have a short life potential and which would not expect to mature in the bottle.
    I also have to confess to having opened more than a few bottles of fizz with a sword; but (a) one never opens good fizz that way, so the wastage issue is not particularly significant (in fact you should lose less than half-a-glass, and plenty of people lose that much opening it the ordinary way – though I bet you know how not to !); and (b) there is no possibility whatever of glass getting into the wine, for various reasons which I won’t bore you with.
    However, I do entirely agree with you that, with the rarest of exceptions, opening Champagne ought to be discreet, unobtrusive, and as nearly noiseless as you can achieve, which is why you should generally leave your sabre at home.

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