an open letter to London’s cyclists
Dear cyclists
You’re all bloody mad.
Love meeeeee.
I was trundling my merry way to Liverpool Street, as is my wont, because passengers on the Tube also fit in the “bloody mad” category. I stopped at a pedestrian crossing, because the little red man was red and the little green man was not green, and I was brought up proper and so know the Green Cross Code.*
The traffic lights changed to red.
First cyclist whizzed through them.
The green man turned green.
Second cyclist whizzed through aforesaid red traffic lights.
I stepped out into the road. Please bear in mind that the green man had been green, and thus I had right of way, for a not inconsiderable period of time (as such things go – certainly more than a quarter of its designated time) by this point.
Third cyclist appeared out of nowhere and in order to avoid hitting me he had to slam the brakes on so hard he fell off his bike.
I did at least have the grace to turn and enquire “are you all right mate?” and wait to receive an affirmative answer before walking off down the street giggling really quite hard (but quietly).
I am a bad person. I hope landing on his bum in the street after running a red light (a) hurt and (b) taught him a lesson.
*Incidentally, before anyone starts, pedestrians who ignore the Green Cross Code are also squarely in the “mad” category and deserve to be run over by irate cyclists.
January 25th, 2010 at 11:28 pm
Heheheheh!
Did that kinda cyclist thing in my younger days. Would edge forward of the line at the traffic lights by my school and shoot off just prior to them changing (relying onthe timing of a mate who was good at guaging these things, if I’m honest). I only stopped around age 17, when my driving instructor pointed out that he had spotted me doing said manoevre, oops!
January 25th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
To clarify the previous comment – the instructor was not in the CAR with ME when I did said the risky move. I had still been on the bike, and he had spotted me whilst giving a lesson to another pupil from my school.
Has this anecdote been worth the effort by now?
January 25th, 2010 at 11:32 pm
This wasn’t “edging over the line.” This was full-fledged, flagrant ignoring of the fact that red lights mean stop whether you’re on two wheels, four wheels, or driving a ten-wheel lorry. Not even any attempt to slow down or stop – they totally ignored the lights.
January 26th, 2010 at 1:32 am
Despite being a buggy pushing mummy myself I would, for a variety of reasons, definitely include buggy pushing mummies in the ‘bloody mad’ category.
January 26th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Clare – the ones that poke the buggy out between parked cars get me. How does that work then? If the buggy gets hit by a car and your baby killed, you know it’s not safe to cross the road?
January 26th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I was pondering a post on similar lines, having nearly been run over four times this week by cyclists, going way too fast, on pavements that are too narrow for them and me.
January 26th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Japes – give ‘em hell. They shouldn’t be on the pavement anyway. Unless they’re American, in which case they shouldn’t be on the sidewalk.
January 26th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
“the ones that poke the buggy out between parked cars get me.”
Them’s the ones. The baby is like the canary in the coal mine.
Also the ones who charge around with Her Majesty the Baby in a three wheel, off road, all terrain behemoth with nary a thought for the peasants who must leap nimbly out of the way.
And I’ve seen ‘buggy wars’ to rival Ben Hurs chariot racing scene.
When I’m in a hurry and the people in front are dawdling, I’ve been guilty of repeating “Excuse me” and “Do you mind awfully?” and “Thank you VERY much!” in what I like to think is a commanding yet Joyce Grenfellish voice . But I draw the line at taking people out at the ankles.
January 27th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Funniest thing I’ve ever seen (in a “let’s all go down to Bedlam and poke the loonies with sticks, it’s hilarious,” way), was a woman who was trying to jam one of those all terrain behemoths onto a rammed Central Line train at rush hour. She did not get very far in her efforts.
Should I ever have children, I am so calling one of them Boudicca and sticking spearheads on the pram wheels.